For examples of the havoc wreaked by fear, no need to look any further than my own family. And no further than my John for the blessed oil that soothes the soul troubled by fear!
My oldest brother is utterly focused on producing perfect results in all he does, all the time. Anything less than perfect is unacceptable. Perfection or nothing. Naturally, since perfection is as rare as Alexandrite, not much luck in producing hoped-for outcomes!
Even the most casual observer can see my brother's life seems put on permanent hold. Not by his desire to achieve perfection, which could spur him to do incredible things as he strives for his goal, but by fear of anything less, which keeps him at a virtual standstill. The result of insisting on perfection, rejecting anything less, is that you do nothing. The fear engulfs rationality need action.
Contrast that with my John. The first time I made some glib, offhand remark about seeking perfection in something or other, my beloved said those words forever engraved on my heart, "Perfection equal paralysis."
Did my jaw actually drop, or did it only feel that way?
ZOWIE! Three little words from John that made my heart zing almost as much as "I love you." Paralysis caused by the FEAR of anything less, the opposite of the kick in the butt of authentic inspiring desire.
Where it once frustrated me, my brother's heartbreaking expectation only makes me feel deep compassion for such a tortured view of what we are put in this body, in this life, on this planet & at this time to do.
Making perfection part of a complex marking system - rather than simply doing the very best you can - is a devastating example of negative excitement. Rather than seeing himself shackled to an impossible expectation, my brother took immense pride in only accepting perfection.
As I learned from David Richo, negative excitement fuels our ongoing drama, boosts our energy level, and gives a sense of purpose, however false. Perfection is right at the top of the list of crippling negative excitement, feeling so good & creating such misery. It's rooted in, creates & embodies fear. Perfectionism is high octane for ongoing drama, fills us with a sense of soaring great purpose, while blinding us to the reality we're at a full stop. Insistence on perfection is more than "the enemy of great" - it's the enemy of acceptable & good, of mediocrity & instructive failure.
John is right - it does mean paralysis, keeps anything from being done - inferior, acceptable, good or great. Praise be I married a man of few, but insightful words!
Connecting to the love I feel for - instead of frustration with - my brother has opened wonderful opportunities to connect with him, without getting wigged out if things don't go perfectly.
Peter, here are the three little words that truly empower life - I love you. Where our relationship once felt paralyzed, now it's free to be whatever blessed imperfection it is!
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